Somewhere I Belong
by Terendel
Summary: Kaiba attends a Domino High ten-year reunion and seeing familiar faces makes him contemplate choices he's made. Mild yaoi


Somewhere I Belong By Soulwindow  
  
Rating: PG Warnings: None Spoilers: None Disclaimers: Alas, Yugi-tachi belong to another. Lyrics from Linkin Park's "Somewhere I Belong" used without permission  
  
Traffic crawled by slowly thirty stories below. The slow movement mesmerized Kaiba. He was so absorbed in the sight that he didn't turn around when the door opened. Long familiarity allowed him to recognize the soft tread of his brother.  
  
"Ni-sama?"  
  
Kaiba smiled faintly. He still relished the few moments alone with Mokuba, when they could just be brothers instead of CEO and aide.  
  
He heard Mokuba pull up a chair and sit down. Kaiba forced himself to turn around, knowing that his brother would sit in silence for hours if needed, waiting to be acknowledged. Once Kaiba had gotten a thrill out of the power he had over his sibling. Now he was just grateful he had someone he could trust completely.  
  
It had been a long ten years from graduation. Once Kaiba could devote all of his attention to his company, with no distractions from school, he'd worked feverishly, trying to accomplish all of his goals at once, knowing that he couldn't, but wanting anyway to try. As soon as Mokuba had graduated, his brother had come to work for him as a trusted aide. Between them, they had almost managed to make all of Kaiba's driven dreams come true.  
  
But, the cost of those dreams... The CEO tried very hard not to think of the cost.  
  
"Ni-sama?" The soft voice again.  
  
Kaiba sighed. "I know, Mokuba. I know. I have to go." He turned from the window to face his brother, who was nodding.  
  
"Yes, you do."  
  
Kaiba sighed again.  
  
"And I know why you don't want to, but can't you see? Maybe? Just maybe?" Mokuba's voice was full of hope.  
  
The older Kaiba shook his head firmly. "No. I gave that up a long time ago. I knew what I was doing, and I still think it was the right thing to do."  
  
He ignored the silent disapproval emanating from his brother. "But I will go. You're right. It's finally time to go back home."  
  
*********  
  
Kaiba hesitated in front of Domino High School. So many memories returned to him with such force that for a moment he couldn't even move. Duels fought. Battle City. Battle Ship. Nearly losing his brother to Pegasus and then later nearly losing him to Noa. And then there were the other memories. The ones he worked so hard to suppress. Standing here, outside this place, they surged against the walls he'd carefully built in his mind. No! He would not let them out. Not even now. Especially not now.  
  
He squared his shoulders and marched firmly into the brightly-lit building, allowing the bustle inside to distract him from the ghosts from his past.  
  
Once inside, he glanced around with carefully concealed interest. He'd spent too many years hiding his real feelings for him to drop the mask now. He immediately saw a few familiar faces. Bakura Ryou was talking animatedly to Honda. Kaiba searched his memory. No, neither of them had married. He wondered idly if Ryou still had the Millennium Ring. And if he did, what had happened to the evil spirit inhabiting it? Neither of them had changed much. Ryou still looked younger than his years, and the only significant change in Honda was that he'd filled out. Kaiba vaguely remembered something about him becoming some sort of martial arts champion and instructor. But he couldn't remember what Ryou now did for a living.  
  
His eyes wandered the room, and he couldn't prevent the small smile that appeared when he saw Jounochi by the buffet table. Trust the puppy to hover near the food. Standing by the tall blond was another equally tall blond woman. Mai had finally caught him. Kaiba had sent both wedding gifts and a little something after the birth of their daughter. He conveniently forgot that Mokuba had reminded him of both events and had done the shopping for the gifts. Well, it was the thought that counted anyway, right?  
  
His eyes continued to roam, and he denied that he was looking for any particular person. Ah, there were Otogi and Shizuka. Honda and Otogi had battled mightily for her affections, and Kaiba still privately wondered what she had seen in the effeminate game designer. He'd been sure that she would pick Honda, but he'd been wrong. By all accounts, it was a happy marriage, even though they had not yet had children.  
  
Kaiba started at the gentle hand on his shoulder. He whirled to look down into the gentle blue eyes of Mazaki Anzu. "Kaiba! Good to see you. I thought you were still in America?"  
  
He relaxed and nodded. Reminding himself that he was among, if not exactly friends, certainly not enemies in this place, he said, "I was. But I decided to come back for this." He paused briefly before continuing. "It's been long enough, I guess."  
  
Pain flashed briefly across Anzu's face.  
  
"I heard about you and." Kaiba started to say, his voice unusually soft for him.  
  
"Yes, well, that's all in the past, now." Anzu interrupted him before he could finish the sentiment. "You've done quite well for yourself. I've been following your company in the news for some time now." She blushed slightly as she admitted that she had bought some stock in Kaiba Corporation several years ago.  
  
Kaiba smiled inwardly. Most of his old acquaintances had bought a few shares here and there. Only Mokuba knew that their year-end statements were somewhat deceptive. Kaiba had surreptitiously bought a few shares for each of them, and hidden the purchases in the reinvested dividends each year. And, unlike the Katsuya gifts, that had been his idea, not his brother's.  
  
"Don't feel ashamed. You're not alone in owning shares in Kaiba Corp, I assure you."  
  
Anzu's eyes widened. "Really? I had no idea. But then I guess it shouldn't surprise me. Most of us have kept up with you."  
  
Kaiba tried to come up with a suitable response, but motion at the edge of his vision caught his attention. He turned his head, and the surge of emotion that swept through him at the sight of the slender figure staggered him. He struggled to maintain his mask of reserve, but the graceful movements evoked so many memories that he couldn't...  
  
"Kaiba-kun!"  
  
The voice shook him, and Kaiba blinked.  
  
Yugi pushed his way past a cluster of conversation and stopped in front of the tall CEO. "Gomen nasai. I suppose I should call you Kaiba-san now."  
  
Kaiba still couldn't find words.  
  
Yugi smiled. "Oh, that's right. You haven't seen me in a while." He glanced down at himself. "I forget sometimes how much I've grown."  
  
Kaiba finally managed to speak. "You look just like.him now."  
  
Yugi smiled. The body might have changed, but the open friendliness was just how Kaiba remembered him. "Yeah, well, I got into swimming in college, and I guess I did fill out a bit." Suddenly Yugi noticed the women beside Kaiba, and he stammered. "Umm. I'm sorry.Anzu.I didn't."  
  
The woman glanced at him coolly from under lowered eyes. "Not a problem, Yugi. It wouldn't be the first time you failed to notice me." She turned to Kaiba. "Good to see you. I'm glad you're doing well. Enjoy the reunion." And on that curt note, she turned on her heel and walked away, back straight and stride stiff.  
  
Yugi sighed and spoke, his voice so soft that Kaiba had to strain to hear him. "She'll never forgive me.us.for it not working between us."  
  
Again, Kaiba didn't know what to say. He knew he had played a role in that break-up, even though he'd been on the other side of the world at the time.  
  
Yugi seemed to follow his thoughts, for he immediately said, "No, Kaiba- san. It wasn't your fault. It was.us, I guess. She never could get used to the idea that she had to share him with.me."  
  
Yugi looked so sad that Kaiba wished he knew what to do. But dealing with emotions had never been his forte, and ten years of repressing emotions and memories had made him worse instead of better. The best he could come up with was, "Please, call me Seto."  
  
Yugi brightened immediately. "Really? Thanks. I'm sorry about the -kun. It just popped out when I saw you. You haven't changed at all, and for a moment, it was just like old times."  
  
Kaiba forced himself to relax. It really was good to see Yugi again. He'd been hard not to like all those years ago. Kaiba'd justified his rivalry to himself during both Battle City and Battle Ship by telling himself his rivalry was with the other Yugi, his darker half, not with the light and lively high school student.  
  
"Kai.Seto, would you like to see my other half? It's been a long time, and he'd like to talk with you if you're willing."  
  
Kaiba backed away a step or two and shook his head vigorously. "No, Yugi. It's very good to see you again, but." He didn't want to admit that he wasn't ready yet  
  
(maybe never)  
  
to see Yugi's dark half again, but he didn't know how to explain his rejection.  
  
Yugi nodded, saving him the need to let down his mask and let his fear show through. "It's okay. I understand. I guess it would be awkward, all things considered."  
  
Someone shouted Yugi's name from across the room, and the slender youth turned. "Oh, Ryou and Honda. I haven't said hello to them yet." He glanced over his shoulder at the tall CEO. "I'll go speak with them, and then I'll probably see you later, Seto." A smile spread over his face, lighting his violet eyes with joy. "It really is good to see you again. I hope you stay for a while. America is a long way away."  
  
Kaiba nodded, not trusting his voice at that moment.  
  
Yugi dodged through the crowd, heading quickly for his other friends. Kaiba suddenly felt very alone. The sensation had been familiar for many years, and he supposed he should be used to it by now, but losing the company of that gentle, eager soul somehow made the emptiness within his heart heavier than usual.  
  
With a sigh, he turned and blindly made his way to a door and outside.  
  
A gentle rain had started, but Kaiba barely noticed the damp as he walked to the playground. Plopping down on a swing, he wondered that during his time in Domino High, he'd never noticed the oddness of a playground at a high school. It had seemed so normal until he'd been to America and seen their schools.  
  
He hunched down in his trench coat, letting the rain soak him, not caring at that moment if he caught a cold. The damp weather seemed a perfect counterpoint to his mood, and he lost track of how long he'd sat there when he felt a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"Kaiba? What are you doing out here? You're gonna get totally soaked."  
  
Kaiba blinked and looked up from under rain-soaked brows at the tall figure of Jounochi. He started to rise to greet the blond, but Jounochi's hand urged him to stay put, and the slender man sat down on the adjacent swing.  
  
"Jounochi." Kaiba started but then ran out of anything to say. Fortunately the other man could talk enough for the both of them.  
  
"I wanted to thank you for the wedding and baby gifts. The cooking set was perfect." Jounochi blushed enough to be visible even in the dim dampness. "I'm afraid I didn't have anything like that to bring to the relationship, and Mai hadn't been much of a cook until we got married. Even now, I do most of it. Found I kind of liked it. But I don't know if I would have really tried it without all that gear sitting in the kitchen, staring at me. And the crib. Wow! It was perfect. They were so expensive, we were wondering how we were going to afford one, and then the one from you just appeared. How'd you know?"  
  
Kaiba shrugged, uncomfortable with the flow of praise since it had been Mokuba who'd picked out the gifts. Finally, he decided to just be honest. "It wasn't me, actually. It was my brother."  
  
Jounochi grinned. "Ahh, that's okay. I can't pick gifts worth anything either. Mai always gets everything and then puts my name on half of them." His voice softened. "You know. It's actually good to see you again, Kaiba." He chuckled. "And if you'd told me twelve years ago that I'd be saying that today, I'd a probably punched you out."  
  
Kaiba found himself smiling back. "You could have tried."  
  
Jounochi's chuckle turned into an all-out laugh. "Now, that's the Kaiba I remember. So why are you out here getting all wet? I'dve thought you'd be in there trying to scare up a rematch with Yugi." He glanced over his shoulder. "I remember seeing decks starting to appear right as I came outside."  
  
Kaiba shook his head. "I don't duel much anymore." He could, however, feel the reassuring weight of his deck in the inner pocket of his coat. It never left his side, even when he was too busy to play.  
  
Jounochi nodded. "Too busy making money, huh?"  
  
The tall CEO bristled at the comment. "There's more to Kaiba Corporation than just making money!"  
  
The blond put out a hand. "Settle, Kaiba. I know that. I was just trying to get a rise outta ya. You've been so quiet here I was beginning to think you were an impostor." His voice softened. "It's Yugi isn't it? Or rather the other Yugi? I saw you talking to the little guy earlier. Then Mai said no one had seen you in ages, so she sent me to look for you."  
  
Kaiba blinked in surprise, and Jounochi cocked his head. "Yeah, we care. Does it surprise you that much? Sure I talked big as a kid to hide the fact that you intimidated the hell out of me. And you could be a real bastard when you wanted to be, but even then we all knew there was more to you than that gruff exterior." He looked down and shuffled his feet. "And after that thing with Noa, Mokuba kind of spilled some stuff about your growing up and all." He sighed. "It made sense, and I couldn't really hate you after that."  
  
Kaiba hadn't had a clue Mokuba had talked to the gang. He didn't know what to say.  
  
"So anyway, don't feel that you have to stay out here. Most everyone'd be glad to see you." Jounochi grinned. "And besides, you may have fooled the others with that year-end stock report, but Mai and I saw through it the first year. Thanks. It's a good start on the little one's college fund."  
  
Kaiba found himself smiling in spite of himself. "I thought I'd covered my tracks better than that."  
  
Jounochi shook his head. "Naw. I've got a head for numbers. Why d'you think I always went for the gambling kind of cards. I could keep all those possibilities in my head. But everyone thought that I was just a big dumb blond and figured I never knew what I was doing anyway. Won me a few duels that way."  
  
Kaiba nodded. "You did have me fooled. I figured you for the last one to see through my little scheme."  
  
Jounochi stood up and put out a hand. "So why don't you come in out of this wet and see some folks who care about you." He paused. "And if you don't want to see the other one, well, I know Yugi well enough to know that he won't force a meeting on you."  
  
Kaiba hesitated but finally put his hand in Jounochi's and let the blond pull him up. The rain was coming down harder now and was impossible to ignore. He glanced at the brightly lit high school and thought maybe he was ready to face most of them by now.  
  
Together, they returned to the reunion.  
  
***********  
  
This time through the gymnasium, Kaiba mingled with people he'd known years earlier. Some were from the old gang: Honda, Otogi, etc., but others were people he'd recognized in the halls but had never really spoken to. He found himself actually enjoying talking to people he'd not seen for years, hearing about houses, jobs and families. All those elements of a normal life that he'd never experienced.  
  
Occasionally, he'd see Yugi in the distance, but he avoided the slender young man, still not ready to deal with him or with his other. While he was loosening up and enjoying himself more than he had in years, he still wasn't sure he was relaxed enough to meet with the man he'd dated for a year and then left. Although he'd tried not to think about it and had justified his move in myriad ways, he couldn't ignore his real reasons now. He'd fled for America and stayed there for ten years to avoid Mutou Yugi and his other half. He'd been running for so long that he didn't know how to stop.  
  
Loud laughter drew his attention away from a desultory conversation with a woman he barely remembered meeting in high school. Across the room was a group playing Duel Monsters. From the look of it, Jounochi was dueling Yugi and not doing very well. The tall blond was pounding the table in predictable frustration, and everyone was laughing at his antics, but they weren't really laughing at him. It was a comradely sort of laugh, and Kaiba realized he'd never recognized the distinction all those years ago.  
  
A gentle hand pulled at his sleeve and Kaiba turned to see Bakura Ryou smiling at him. "You've talked to just about everyone else this evening, but I keep missing you." The white-haired man motioned away from the forgettable women, flashing her such a winning smile that she couldn't possibly take offense at the interruption.  
  
As they walked away, Kaiba said, "Thanks. I think she was trying to figure out a reason to make me marry her."  
  
Ryou nodded. "Makes sense. She was trying to get married before she dropped out of high school. No one wanted her then." He glanced back over his shoulder. "And from the looks of it, that hasn't changed."  
  
"She dropped out? Then why is she even at the reunion?"  
  
Ryou shrugged. "She crashed the party, I guess. It's not like we were going to turn people away."  
  
Kaiba's gaze sharpened. "We? I take it you were one of the organizers of this event?"  
  
Ryou grinned. "Yes, you can thank me for the food."  
  
Kaiba dredged the depths of his memory. "That's right. You went into catering after school."  
  
White eyelashes lifted in surprise. "Very good. I didn't think you'd kept up with us that well."  
  
Kaiba shrugged and Ryou continued. "But yes, I discovered a talent for cooking at the university and decided to get into catering. I leaned on everyone for loans until I managed to get the business going." His normally gentle brown eyes sharpened. "I think I was desperate enough to even consider going to you for money. But you were out of the country."  
  
Kaiba nodded. "I moved to America after high school. I was just starting to expand the business out of Japan, and I thought it would be more successful with my personal attention. Kaiba Corp. Japan was doing quite well by then."  
  
Ryou shot him a look that reminded Kaiba uncomfortably of the man's darker half. He wondered again what had happened to the evil spirit of the Millennium Ring. "That was the only reason, ne? Nothing to do with a certain short duelist and his darker half?"  
  
Kaiba found himself shifting from foot to foot. It had been a long time since he'd so openly showed his discomfort with a conversation. "No, not really. That had been over for a couple years by then."  
  
"So why did you leave him?"  
  
At first Kaiba didn't want to answer the blunt question, but he knew, deep down, that Bakura was someone he could tell, someone who wouldn't laugh at him or think less of him for the telling. Yugi-tachi had accepted Bakura, evil spirit and all, and that acceptance had given the white-haired man a calm acceptance and compassion that could deal with almost anything. He sighed deeply and finally admitted the real reason out loud. "I was obsessed. Jounochi said that Mokuba told some of you about our childhood?"  
  
Ryou nodded.  
  
"Well, I wanted to prove the old bastard wrong. I wanted to prove that I could make money and be successful by making people happy. Not by building bigger and deadlier weapons for the military. Military might hadn't done much for our country in the past, and I didn't think it was the answer for the future."  
  
Ryou cocked his head. Kaiba was relieved to see interest, not censure in his deep eyes. "Sounds like you worked so hard at making everyone else happy that you forgot about yourself."  
  
Kaiba shook his head. "My happiness wasn't important. I thought I could be happy later, when I'd done what I set out do."  
  
Ryou's expression softened. "And what about now? Have you finished? Are you happy now?"  
  
Kaiba surprised himself with another honest answer. "No, I'm not happy. I think I've done most of what I needed to do, but." He shook his head. "No, I'm not any happier than I was then." His eyes grew distant. "I think I've only ever been happy once in my life." His voice drifted off.  
  
Ryou brought him back to the present. "Then don't fuck it up now, Kaiba- boy."  
  
Kaiba's eyes widened. Ryou was no longer standing in front of him. Instead, he gazed into the hard eyes of the spirit of the Millennium Ring.  
  
The spirit nodded. "Oh yeah, I'm still around. Don't come out much, but Ryou still doesn't have the guts sometimes to tell it like it is. Look, Kaiba, I don't know what the stupid Pharaoh sees in you, but I think you've still got a chance with him. You shouldn't. Ra knows I'd have walked away and forgotten you years ago, but the Pharaoh must have a softer heart or something. But even he won't wait forever. Take your chance while you can."  
  
The eyes shifted, and the wild hair smoothed. Ryou was back, and his face was grim. "He does have a way with words sometimes, but he's right. You haven't yet lost your chance. But you might if you wait too long."  
  
The paralysis induced by seeing the spirit for the first time in so many years lifted, and Kaiba found himself able to speak again. "I can't. I made that choice years ago. I can't go back now."  
  
Ryou cocked his head again. "Why not? Sometimes you really can go back."  
  
The white-haired man turned and walked away, leaving Kaiba to ponder that cryptic statement.  
  
Laughter erupted from across the room again. Now Yugi was dueling Mai, and it appeared as if the diminutive duelist had not lost any of his old magic. Jounochi looked to be consoling his wife, whose eyes were snapping in a mock-fury Kaiba remembered well from all those years before. He found himself smiling in fond remembrance of the old days. But memories of dueling inevitably led to other memories, just as pleasant but more dangerous. He shook his head, dispelling them and their power over him.  
  
He became aware of the music playing the background. Some American band he'd never bothered to learn the name of. He'd heard the song before, but this was the first time he'd ever really listened to the lyrics.  
  
"Looking everywhere only to find That it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind (So what am I) What do I have but negativity 'Cause I can't justify the way everyone is looking at me (Nothing to lose) Nothing to gain, hollow and alone And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own"  
  
The words rang in his heart, seeming to describe his feelings perfectly. When he'd left  
  
(ran away, admit it)  
  
for America, he'd been full of hope and ideas. He was going to do great things, show the old man once and for all that he'd been wrong, and that the young kid had been right. He was going to make money. He was going to make people happy. He was going to be successful. And he was going to do it his way.  
  
And yet his life continued on, day after day, in meaningless emptiness. Oh each day was busy, had its own special challenges, but they meant less to him each passing week. More and more, he knew there could be more to his life. And he'd thrown it away. And never even tried to pick it up.  
  
The song continued.  
  
"I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long (Erase all the pain till it's gone) I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real I wanna find something I've wanted all along Somewhere I belong"  
  
Kaiba found himself nodding. Yes, that was all true. He'd thought what he built was real and that it could sustain him year after year, but he'd been wrong. He realized now that without the support of his brother, he'd have probably gone crazy years ago, crazy from the stress, the responsibility, but more than either of those, he'd have gone crazy from the loneliness. For years he'd tried to convince himself that his work was all he needed, but he had to admit to himself now that it wasn't enough. Had never been enough.  
  
"I will never know myself until I do this on my own And I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed I will never be anything till I break away from me I will break away, I'll find myself today"  
  
The song ended, and Kaiba slumped. Fine lyrics. It'd be nice if they could be true in his case. He sighed and turned for the door. Yes, he'd had a fine time tonight. It had been a welcome break in his usual routine, but this wasn't his life and never would be. It was time to get back to reality.  
  
But why did it hurt so much to leave this behind?  
  
He finally made his way through the crowd to the door and paused before stepping out into what had become a driving rain. Kaiba pulled up the collar of his coat and fumbled in his pocket for his cell phone to call his driver.  
  
A voice behind him nearly made him drop the phone.  
  
"Seto, don't go yet."  
  
Kaiba stood in the doorway, fighting for control of his emotions, desperate to put back up his mask before turning to confront the person behind him.  
  
"Seto. Do you hate me so much that you won't even say goodbye?"  
  
The naked pleading in the rich deep voice made him turn. He stifled a gasp. How could he earlier have mistaken Yugi for the slender figure in front of him. Those were the hands that had wandered his body, the eyes that revealed the soul within, the slender strength that could hold back darkness. He forced his eyes to look only at the face, framed by tri- colored hair, not to roam the body he remembered so well and still caressed in unwelcome  
  
(needed so badly)  
  
dreams. The violet eyes tinged toward scarlet, a coloration Kaiba remembered being able to lose himself in for hours. The slender, yet well- muscled body stood in casual grace, seeming unconsciously to command the space around him. That body brought back vivid memories, walking in the park, naked bodies entwined.  
  
Firmly, Kaiba shut off the flow of memory and finally found his voice. "Yami-san. No, of course I don't hate you. But it was getting late and."  
  
The ancient spirit of the Millennium Puzzle cut him off. "It's not that late, and you've taken the time to speak to everyone except me. Yugi told me you didn't want to see me, but." His voice thickened, and Kaiba could see the visible effort needed to get it smooth and back under control. "But I couldn't let you go without seeing you one more time."  
  
Kaiba didn't know what to do. What to think. All his careful arguments collapsed at the sight of the dreaded  
  
(beloved)  
  
figure before him. It was this one he'd avoided by going to America. It was this one who had almost prevented him from coming to the reunion. It was this one he wanted so badly that it hurt. And it was this one he could not have. He could not let anyone back so deeply into his heart as he had let this one. Not and continue on the lonely course he had set for himself.  
  
He fumbled for words, but nothing came out. Yami sighed and gently touched his arm. "Come on. Let's get away from the door. Too public here."  
  
Stunned, Kaiba allowed himself to be led away. More memories flooded at the slight touch on his coat. This time he was helpless to wall them away. Precious moments together, stolen away from his business. Yami's hair slicked down in the rain. An unplanned bike ride along the river. Water droplets sliding down a naked body under the shower. He felt tears come unbidden to his eyes, and he blinked them away.  
  
Kaiba jerked himself back to the present as they came to a quiet corner, away from the bustle of the reunion. Bars used for ballet gave the tall CEO something to hold onto, to steady his shaky legs. "What do you want from me?" he asked, his voice intentionally harsh. If he could anger the other, maybe he could get away soon, and intact.  
  
Pain-tinged violet eyes met his. "I want what I have always wanted. To be with you. Failing that." Yami's voice broke again, and this time Kaiba noticed no effort to bring it back under control. "Failing that, I want a reason. Why do you stay away? Why do you seem to never want to see me again?"  
  
Kaiba found himself falling back on the same tired reasons he'd given to Bakura. "Because I have things I need to do. And.I need to do them alone. Anyone else would.be a distraction. And I can't afford distraction."  
  
Yami shook his head. "You let your brother in. Why can't you let me in? I won't 'distract' you, hold you back. I can support you, help you. Why won't you let me?"  
  
At that moment, Kaiba didn't have an answer. He just stood there, no words in his head at all.  
  
Yami continued. "And what more is left to be done? Oh yes, I've kept up with your accomplishments. It was the only way to have even a little bit of you."  
  
Kaiba winced at the pain in the other's tone, at the years of desolation hidden beneath those words.  
  
"And you've done it, haven't you? You've been successful. You've done it your way, not his way. What more is left? There are Kaiba Lands in enough countries to provide access to any who want it. Your Duel Disks are still selling well, and I can't come up with a single improvement to them. They are perfect, and everyone loves them."  
  
The former pharaoh stopped, eyes searching deep within Kaiba's, looking for something. Kaiba didn't know what, but apparently he didn't find it for the slender figure shrugged and began to turn. "And obviously it still isn't enough. Or I am not important enough to be a part of the life of the great Kaiba Seto. Goodbye then. I see that the hope I have held for ten long years is no hope at all."  
  
He started to leave. Kaiba watched him go, hearing Bakura's words in his head. "Then don't fuck it up now, Kaiba-boy." He could see it was true. Yami would not wait forever, and why would Kaiba expect him too? Had that been it all along? Had he found his strength, not in the presence of one he loved, but in the knowledge that that one would wait as long as Kaiba needed him to. And still be there when Kaiba finally decided he was ready.  
  
He watched the retreating back, and suddenly, he could no bear the loneliness anymore. "Yami, wait."  
  
The slender figure paused but then continued walking.  
  
Was it now truly too late?  
  
Kaiba couldn't accept that, needed to believe that it wasn't true. He found himself moving, his hand reaching out to grab a black sleeve. "No, wait. Don't go yet."  
  
Yami turned, eyes full of doubt. "Why? So you can ignore me some more? Use my misery to make you feel superior and right with the world?" He shook his head. "No longer, Kaiba-san." The honorific dripped with irony.  
  
Kaiba shook his head. "No, not that! Never that." He struggled to find the words in himself, sensing that he had one chance. If he said the wrong thing, he'd lose this man forever. Finally, he said all that he could think of. "I'm sorry. I was wrong to leave you all those years ago. I was wrong to stay away. I had my reasons, and they seemed right at the time, but.they were excuses. I was running away, and I needed to make excuses to justify it. I know that I hurt you, and I'm sorry."  
  
It seemed so inadequate. He knew immediately that it wasn't enough. But what more could he say? What could he say to take away a decade of pain? Finally, he said one more thing. The only thing left to say. And he could only hope that it would be enough. "I love you. I always have. I.I just wish I had been strong enough all those years ago to believe in that love. But I wasn't. And I'm sorry."  
  
His head was down. He couldn't bear to look into those violet eyes, to see disdain in them, to see how badly he'd screwed up. He started to turn, in his misery wanting to just be away, to be alone with his pain. Alone. Alone now for the rest of his life.  
  
A gentle voice stopped him. "You weren't ready then. Are you saying that you are ready now?"  
  
Kaiba looked up, hope gleaming in his eyes. "Does that mean I might have another chance?"  
  
Yami shrugged. "Depends on your answer."  
  
Kaiba thought hard. The easy thing to say was "Yes, he was ready." But was he? He'd had many years to develop the habits he had now. Habits of keeping people out, not letting them in. And he sensed he would have a hard time making the switch quickly. He'd probably slip sometimes, fall back into familiar patterns. And blocking out Yami would hurt the spirit. And not just hurt the spirit, but hurt Yugi as well, and Kaiba didn't want to hurt either of them. But was "No, I'm not ready." the correct answer? He wanted to try, and being willing to try wasn't not being ready.  
  
Finally, he settled for honesty. "I'd like to be ready. But I've been alone a long time. I don't know how long it will take me to learn how to be with someone."  
  
A slow smile spread across the face of the ancient Pharaoh. "I can live with that answer. It's been a while since I've been with someone too, and the last experience was.less than positive. It might take me a while to adjust." His expression grew serious. "And there is one other thing you need to take into account."  
  
Kaiba cut him off. "I know. Yugi. He has as much claim on you as I will, maybe more so since you are so close. Close in a way you and I can never be."  
  
Yami's eyebrows rose. "And you can accept that?" His eyes grew hard.  
  
Kaiba nodded firmly. "I can. I like and respect Yugi very much." He lowered his eyes. "I may not have always shown it in the past, but I always have." He raised his eyes and looked directly at the ancient spirit. "I do know that the bond between you and Yugi was a part of the problem between you and Anzu. That won't happen with me. I can't promise we'll be together forever. Forever is a long time, but if we don't make it, it won't be because of that. I think I can." He swallowed hard, finding the strength to say the words. "I think I can love both of you. And I can treasure the fact that you love each other."  
  
The crimson-tinted violet eyes in front of him softened. "I can't make any promises right now either. But I can accept a relationship on those terms."  
  
Kaiba wasn't sure what to do next. Yami made it sound so much like a business deal, and that wasn't what he wanted from the spirit. He sensed the other was as nervous and uncertain as he was, and he acted on instinct, stepping forward and enclosing the smaller man in his arms.  
  
It felt so good to hold him after all this time. Yami stiffened for a moment, but then relaxed into the embrace, narrow but strong arms encircling Kaiba's waist. Now as then, the small body seemed made to meld against him, and he reveled in knowing that he was no longer alone.  
  
He'd finally found somewhere he belonged.  
  
The End 


End file.
